The Importance of Developing True Self-Confidence As A Man


We've been talking about letting go of feeling powerless and becoming aware of what triggers us, what sets us off emotionally.

Today we're talking about confidence. Confidence is important. It's something that a lot of us feel like we lack and we're not sure exactly how to build, how to develop that confidence. And in many cases, a man will feel confident at work, but not confident at home.

The Work-Life Confidence Dilemma

In the workplace, a man can feel confident because he's able to hit his metrics, do his performance reviews, and check the boxes. He feels confident about his abilities and his place in the organization. However, when he tries to apply the same approach at home, it doesn't work. This discrepancy shakes his confidence and leads to uncertainty and insecurity. He starts deferring to his wife, making her responsible for all decisions. This behavior erodes the trust and respect in the relationship.

Contextual Confidence vs. Personal Confidence

Confidence derived from work is contextually based and dependent on the specific tasks and responsibilities of the job. It is not transferable to other areas of life. Our personal lives, especially our romantic relationships, are not projects to be solved or tasks to be completed. To build confidence in our personal lives, we need to develop confidence in ourselves.

Three Key Areas of Confidence

Barbara DeAngelis, in her book "Confidence," identifies three key areas of confidence: behavioral, emotional, and spiritual confidence.

a) Behavioral Confidence: This involves knowing that we will show up for ourselves and take care of ourselves. It is about self-reliance and trusting ourselves to get things done.

b) Emotional Confidence: In this area, we ensure that we won't allow ourselves to be overwhelmed by emotions. We choose our responses rather than reacting impulsively.

c) Spiritual Confidence: Trusting in an abundant world and believing that everything will work out in the end. Having faith and confidence in the future.

Transferable Confidence

When we develop confidence in these three areas, it becomes transferable to any area of our life. We can take this confidence into our work, romantic relationships, hobbies, friendships, and unknown situations. It empowers us to make decisions, be self-reliant, and maintain emotional stability.

Confidence is not just about feeling secure in our work or meeting performance expectations. It is about developing a deep-rooted confidence in ourselves that transcends specific contexts. We must recognize the importance of personal confidence in all areas of life, especially our romantic relationships. By building behavioral, emotional, and spiritual confidence, we can gain the respect of others, including ourselves, and navigate through life with a sense of assurance.

If you want to learn more about confidence and how to develop it in your life, I invite you to join the Mentoring Men community. Inside this private community, we discuss these topics and support each other in building confidence and pursuing personal growth.


With love brother,

Charlie McKeever
Happy Man Coach & Mentoring Men Co-Founder

"The very best thing you can do for the whole world is to make the most of yourself." - Wallace D. Wattles, 1903

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