Stop Trying to Fix Her: Why Your Wife Dismisses Your Advice
Hey brother,
Have you ever found yourself working really hard to make everyone else in your life happy, only to feel confused, frustrated, and emotionally drained when they don’t listen, follow your advice, or seem to care? You give your insight, your energy, your best intentions — and it all feels like it’s falling on deaf ears.
If you’re nodding your head right now, I’ve been there too.
I used to spend so much time and energy trying to “help” other people — my wife, my kids, my friends. I had advice, perspectives, solutions. I knew what they needed… or at least I thought I did. But no one seemed to value it. No one was doing what they were “supposed” to do. And that used to drive me crazy.
Here’s what I had to learn the hard way:
Nobody wants to be controlled.
No one wants to be fixed, managed, or directed unless they ask for it. People want to be accepted, not adjusted. They want to be loved, not led like a project. They want to be seen and heard, not managed like a to-do list.
That doesn’t mean your wisdom isn’t valuable. It just means that offering it uninvited usually doesn’t go well — because advice without request often feels like judgment.
The Wake-Up Call
One of the biggest distractions in my life was focusing on what everyone else should be doing — instead of owning what I needed to be doing.
I was so preoccupied with how others were behaving that I wasn’t even looking at myself. I wasn’t facing the hard truth about where I was avoiding growth, responsibility, or honesty in my own life. When I finally turned inward and started cleaning up my own mess, everything changed.
You Don’t Get to Double-Dip
You don’t get to live your life and theirs. Just like you wouldn’t want someone micromanaging your journey, they don’t want you doing that to theirs.
Here’s the truth:
Life is a kind, generous, patient teacher.
It works something out in all of us — our wives, our kids, our co-workers, even the strangers walking past us on the street. Life allows us to stumble, fall, repeat patterns, and eventually — hopefully — learn the lesson. That freedom is sacred.
If we remove the struggle from someone else’s path, we’re actually robbing them of growth. What looks like “help” can actually be interference.
One Lesson, 30 Years Later…
I remember calling my dad when I was about to get out of the Marines. There was a $10,000 re-enlistment bonus on the table. I asked him, “What do you think I should do?”
He didn’t tell me what to do.
He simply said,
“Son, don’t get yourself into anything you can’t get yourself out of.”
That advice stuck with me for 30 years. Why?
Because I asked for it. And he didn’t try to steer my life. He respected my autonomy. He let me choose.
People Learn Through Their Own Experience
We all have to go through what we have to go through — sometimes multiple times — to learn what we need to learn. That’s not a flaw in the system. That is the system.
Trying to shortcut someone else’s journey not only frustrates you — it disconnects you from them. You either show up as someone loving, patient, grounded… or you show up resentful, judgmental, and annoyed. And let’s be honest, no one wants to be around the second version of you.
So What Can You Do Instead?
Be a safe place for people to come to.
Stop giving advice that wasn’t asked for.
Focus on your own growth.
Offer perspective when invited.
Let others live, learn, and grow in their own time.
If this kind of unsolicited advice-giving is affecting your marriage, your work life, or your relationship with your kids — let’s talk. This used to be a huge part of my struggle, and I know how painful it can be to feel misunderstood and unappreciated.
But I promise you, there’s another way to live — one that’s calm, confident, grounded, and full of peace. You can learn to love people as they are — not just who you wish they’d become.
Ready to Start?
If you're reading this and getting a little uncomfortable...or a LOT uncomfortable, then I want to help you today...
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What do I mean by "SERIOUS"?
We take YOU and your struggles seriously...because we've been there
We know worrying whether your wife wants to leave your marriage is serious
And we know a lack of clarity about how to change it is serious now and for your long term future happiness
We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
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So, fill out the form.
I’ll personally respond.
We’ll find a time to talk.
And when we do?
We’ll start the real work of turning this pain into purpose.
Because change doesn’t have to mean the end of your marriage.
It just means the end of what’s no longer working—for either of you.
Talk with you soon,
Charlie McKeever
Your Happy Man Coach
PS: You’re not broken. You’re just ready for change. And I’ve got your back.
