Stop Living on Leftovers: How to Stop Feeling Exhausted In Your Marriage
Hey brother,
This one’s for the man who’s doing all the things.
You’ve said yes to more projects at work. You’re picking up slack at home. You’re running errands, solving problems, managing tasks, being everything to everyone—and leaving nothing for yourself.
And now?
You’re exhausted.
You’re depleted.
You’re wondering how you’re even going to get through the week, much less the month.
This message came out of a real conversation we had during our Monday night men’s commnunity call. One of the guys shared how overwhelmed he was—saying yes to everything, taking on more responsibility, trying to prove himself, trying to demonstrate his value.
He said he wanted to do a great job. He wanted to be dependable, strong, and capable.
But somewhere in the process of proving his worth… he lost his worth.
The Trap of “More”
Here’s the thing: it’s noble to want to show up strong, committed, and hardworking.
But there’s a big difference between working hard because it fulfills you… and working hard to earn someone else’s approval.
And when we start adding more and more to our plate—thinking it’ll prove our value—it eventually becomes unsustainable.
Here’s a little thought experiment:
Could you handle 20 tasks this week?
Maybe.
What about 40?
If you were really focused, maybe.
Now what about 80… 160… 320?
At some point, brother, we don’t scale.
There’s a human limit to what you can give. And if you’re always pouring into everyone else’s cup without refilling your own, the only thing you’ll be left with is emptiness… and eventually, resentment.
When Giving Turns Into Resenting
That’s what happens, right?
You start thinking, I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do—why aren’t they?
Why doesn’t my wife appreciate me?
Why don’t my coworkers pull their weight?
Why do my kids take me for granted?
And then the judgment kicks in—toward them, and toward yourself.
This is the emotional tax of overcommitting and under-caring for yourself. The more you give away without replenishing, the more bitter you become. And suddenly, life doesn’t feel like life anymore. It feels like survival.
Pay Yourself First
I shared a simple concept on that Monday call.
Have you ever read The Richest Man in Babylon?
It’s an old book with a simple idea: pay yourself first.
Before you pay your bills… before you blow your paycheck on comfort food and distractions… set some aside for you.
Not just money—time, energy, care, attention.
What if you treated your soul like a bill you owed?
You’d start the day giving to you first. That might look like:
Quiet time to journal or pray
A walk without your phone
A workout
Reading something nourishing
Sitting in silence and breathing
And then—after you’ve paid yourself—you go give to others.
Not out of depletion, but out of abundance.
You’re Not Being Selfish—You’re Being Smart
Look, I’m not talking about being self-centered or flaky or bailing on your commitments.
I’m talking about being wise.
Like they say on airplanes: put your own oxygen mask on first.
Why?
Because a depleted, resentful, frustrated man is not the best version of himself. And it’s not the version your family or your community needs either.
If you want your wife, kids, or coworkers to respect and value you…
Start by respecting and valuing yourself.
Why expect them to give you what you’re unwilling to give yourself?
You Get to Choose
If you’re in that place of frustration right now—judging yourself, judging others, feeling heavy and disconnected—maybe it’s time to pause.
Take a step back.
Ask yourself:
What’s important to me?
Is it doing more?
Or is it showing up whole, present, grounded, and real?
You have permission to say no.
You have permission to rest.
You have permission to matter to yourself.
So, slow down. Recalibrate. Pay yourself first.
You’ll be amazed at how everything else starts to fall into place when you stop living on the scraps of your own time and energy.
Need Help Untangling the Hairball?
If anything I’ve said today has hit home—if your head has been nodding or your chest feels like it’s about to break open—then it’s time.
Time to schedule a Healthy, Happy Man coaching call.
If you're reading this and getting a little uncomfortable...or a LOT uncomfortable, then I want to help you today...
Fill out my contact form for a free, no strings, personalized coaching session to help you slow down and refocus on what is really important right now.
Or try one of my other options to get the support you need at this time:
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What do I mean by "SERIOUS"?
We take YOU and your struggles seriously...because we've been there
We know worrying whether your wife wants to leave your marriage is serious
And we know a lack of clarity about how to change it is serious now and for your long term future happiness
We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
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So, fill out the form.
I’ll personally respond.
We’ll find a time to talk.
And when we do?
We’ll start the real work of turning this pain into purpose.
Because change doesn’t have to mean the end of your marriage.
It just means the end of what’s no longer working—for either of you.
Talk with you soon,
Charlie McKeever
Your Happy Man Coach
PS: Your joy, your peace, and your happiness are important too.
