Bar Fights, People Pleasing, and PTSD

Overcoming Childhood Trauma - 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' Story 13 of 25

In this video I, Happy Man Coach Charlie McKeever, share a childhood story that shaped my 'nice guy' journey in ways I didn’t fully understand until I was 45 years old.

It's a story of feeling powerless, trapped, and dependent on others to feel safe and secure. It’s about the rules we create for ourselves as kids to navigate our chaotic worlds.

Growing up, my mom and stepdad had a favorite pastime: going to the bar. For them, it was a way to numb out from whatever life was throwing at them. And guess what? They dragged me along. I was just 11, way too young to be left alone at home, so off to the bar I went, week after week.

These bar nights were anything but fun for me. The bar was no place for a kid. I spent hours bored out of my mind, watching the clock, trying to find something, anything, to pass the time. And then, like clockwork, the fights would start.

My mom and stepdad would argue, yell, and inevitably have a fallout. It was never a good time. When I turned 12, they decided I was old enough to stay home alone.

Finally, I thought, some peace and quiet! They’d leave, and I’d wave them off, pleading silently for them to have a good time. I'd wash dishes, watch TV, and enjoy the tranquility of having the house to myself.

But it was always short-lived. You see, their nights out never ended well. They’d come home angry, fighting, and bringing all that chaos right back into the house. The sound of slamming car doors became a trigger for me. Even when the noise was from a neighbor, my heart would race, and I’d peek through the curtains, dreading their return. It was like living in the eye of a storm.

The calm moments at home alone were just a brief respite before the inevitable chaos. This cycle happened over and over, night after night.

Each time they left, I hoped and prayed for a different outcome, but it was always the same. These experiences planted a deep-seated fear and insecurity in me. I felt powerless, constantly on edge, waiting for the next storm. I believed that if only I could get them to enjoy themselves and not fight, everything would be okay. But that wasn’t true.

They were dealing with their own battles, and I was just caught in the crossfire. This sense of powerlessness and dependence followed me into adulthood. I thought I needed others to behave a certain way for me to feel safe and happy.

It took a long time to realize that I couldn’t control their actions, only my responses to them. Reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover was a game-changer for me. It made me understand that trying to manage others to feel secure was a losing battle. I had to break free from those old rules I’d set for myself as a kid.

If you’ve gone through something similar and created your own set of rules to cope, I want to hear your story. Let’s talk about those beliefs, challenge them, and see if they’re really serving you.

You don’t have to live in fear or depend on others for your happiness.

Schedule a free coaching call with me to share your story and discuss what you'd like be different in your relationships and life.

I highly recommend reading the book
📚 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' by Dr. Robert Glover

📚 Take my Happy Man Coaching No More Mr. Nice Guy Course

The course includes private one-on-one coaching calls to help you understand the key concepts covered in the book, along with other important related concepts NOT covered in the No More Mr. Nice Guy book.

Much love, brother,

Charlie McKeever
Your Happy Man Coach

"The very best thing you can do for the whole world is to make the most of yourself." – Wallace D. Wattles, 1903

Disclaimer: I sometimes earn commissions when you use my links to make purchases, but these products and services don't cost you more. Your purchases support my efforts to reach and help more men.

Download Your Happy Man Action Plan (PDF)

Get the intimacy and connection you want in your marriage.

No spam. Ever. Period.

Related Articles

Here are a few other thoughts you might find helpful.

Why Hiring A Men's Coach Is Cheaper Than Buying A House After Divorce

How Being A Nice Guy Helps A Man Grow

Overcoming People Pleasing and Perfectionism