Is Fear Crushing Your Dreams And Killing Your Spirit?
As a full-time men’s coach one of the most heartbreaking things to hear from another man is, “I am too afraid to…” say that, think that, do that. As a recovering “Nice Guy” myself, I get it. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt as they say.
So often we shut down new ideas before we have even had a chance to consider them. Within the first few seconds of thought our brain has automatically generated a list of reasons why we shouldn’t do whatever it is we just thought about.
It cost too much. She wouldn’t like it. They wouldn’t like it. What will people think? What if I fail? What if I succeed? I don’t have the time. My job won’t allow it. My kids have sports. I’m not tall enough, short enough, smart enough, enough enough to do that.
We imagine the worst outcomes before we have even decided if we actually want to do the thing at all. We shut down the dream factory, the possibilities, the opportunities to experience something different.
Mel Robbins talks about this concept in her book 5 Second Rule, which she covers clearly the in the 11 minute video above.
As a side note, notice the masculine energy in Mel as a woman who openly talks about having to take the lead and get shit done when her husband wasn't. We will dive deeper into the concepts behind masculine and feminine energy on another day, but for now just note how her energy feels. Does it feel attractive to you or does it make you want to compete with her?
Back to overcoming fear.
What we don’t stop to realize is that all of that fear is imagined. Those things haven’t actually happened and even if they did, in most every case, we would still be okay. If we spent our money, upset our partner, or even lost our job, we would be fine.
What we don’t imagine is this, that in a life ruled by fear we never have, do, or be what we want. We live a small, uninspired, mediocre life, fenced in by uncertainty and regret. We let fear tell us what to think, who to love, and how to live. We give our time, our money, and our power to everyone else except ourselves.
We stare out the window and long for adventure while our soul rusts and the last of our life energy drains from our body. We never try because even the mere thought of trying is too scary. We play it safe and we learn to accept less because it’s comfortable.
Is that really who you want to be?
Are you prepared to continue living with the current pain you feel from thinking the thoughts you are thinking, or are you willing to try something different? Are you ready to give something else a chance, to experience whatever comes next, after deciding?
Because, once you decide, you have already won. Once you do, you have already won.
What comes next is just the result of you fully expressing yourself, of you overcoming the fear of an imagined future, of you choosing to live the life you choose to live while trusting the universe to provide the resources you need, and trusting yourself to handle whatever comes next.
So, when a brother, or a coach, or a recommended book says, “Try it for yourself” will you let fear keep you stuck in your current mental prison cell of fear padded pain or are you going to try it for yourself and see what actually happens?
The choice, is up to you!
Do you want to live the life you desire, comfortable in your own skin and free of regret and frustration? Request time to talk more about how fear keeps you from creating the life you want. Discover which of your thoughts, beliefs, or expectations are holding you back. Together we can surface the stories you've been telling yourself that keep you trapped in a false reality and keep you from truly living your life your way.
Much love brother,
Happy Man Coach
Photo by CottonBro